Get stoned!!!
How do you feel when you know your ex has moved on and is not single anymore.. good, bad or nothing??
When I got to know, I wished I felt good or at the least nothing.. but no.. it wasn’t so.. I tried a lot to convince myself that this is how life is; girl – no relationship is pure and it is all fake. But instead, I felt bad and worst of all I felt sad for myself.
I remember, once when we were just having a conversation, and I asked him ‘would you get involved with another girl if ours didn’t work out’ and he replied ‘not for atleast five years’:). Believe me, I did feel bad then, but there was no point in bringing it up.. whatever be it, he is already into another relationship and guess what .. it’s hardly been a year.. well this is what life is and this is how men are..:)
It’s funny to see how human mind reacts to certain things. It’s funny to see how human mind has no control over their emotions. I don’t blame him for anything now. It’s true that time and distance heals everything. But still there are times in your life when the past keeps cropping up and you can’t erase everything out of your life completely. It’s like a part of you has been stolen forever and yet you want it. You act hard and harsh but you never forget what you really are.
Let live!!!
She decides,
to go with the wind,
carrying the pain and the cries.
She is scared,
She fears the road,
She weeps and she screams.
She tries to move,
with the time,
with the wind,
and no sign.
She senses,
a new breeze,
coming her way.
She is confused,
She has to decide,
She wants to disappear.
She has no option.
She decides,
to go with the wind,
with the future.
A future,
worth living,
worth risking.
Showers again….
It’s quite some time that I even logged into wordpress account. Off late, I have been quite occupied with my work and several other things and thank God for keeping me so busy, inspite of the fact that I have been frustrated to an extent due to my work. But I still want to thank you for keeping my mind off the thoughts that tortured me.
It is true that time heals everything, and I have changed with time and so have my thoughts. I am no more the same person I used to be while I was in school, college or a few months back. And yes, I like the change. I feel good about the circumstances that have got changes within me. And, I feel good about myself. I feel I have crossed several milestones in my life.
I have always asked God for the better things in my life, and he has been too generous towards me. And as well made me realize of the pros and cons of my desires:). I just want to thank you for keeping me going strong through the times when I had lost all the faith in humanity and in you. And you never fail to get back my faith in you by giving me the best I ought to have.
Thank you for everything and love you for all the happiness you’ve got in my life. Be with me always. Love you.
This is me…
Sometimes I feel there is a lot I can tell you about me, and sometimes I am left searching for words to describe me. And that is me, confused, daring, honest, unpredictable, detached and unconventional. A typical Aquarian best described by Linda Goodman with a few exceptions.
I believe freedom to live life your own way is every individual’s right, and to me my freedom is very important. Freedom to me means not living life on others terms, be it the people who I love or my colleagues at work. I hate being controlled and guided in their own way. If you have thoughts, just give me the options and leave it to me to make my decisions. Do not force your decisions on to me, I get highly agitated. Set me free to learn from my own mistakes. This is not my attitude, this is how I am. I will love you and respect you all the more once you let me be the way I am. Do not possess me, I belong only to myself.
I still don’t know what kind of a man I would like to spend my entire life with. I have given a serious thought to this facet of my life, and am still doing the analysis. But one thing is for sure, I cannot love someone unless he is my very good friend. He has to be someone who knows me in and out. He has to be someone whom I respect and admire, a respect not demanded. He should be someone who would know when I need space and when I want to be wanted. He should be conversative, smart, loyal, inspiring, interesting, flirting and someone who could make me laught out loud even when I am sixty. I am not asking for a miracle to occur, but a hope still remains.
Keep the faith!!!
We make mistakes. We hurt others emotions knowingly and unknowingly. We believe our life is more important than other’s. Sometimes we even annoy others for no reason. We scold people. We curse people. We blame others for our incomplete dreams and aspirations. We believe we go wrong because of others influence on our decisions. We make our own decisions and yet fear the outcome. And there are many like these people, including me. We all want the best for ourselves and we do realize what all we lose on our way of getting the best. And then we hate ourselves and believe that everything happened for the best, which I can never figure out, no matter how much I try.
I have crossed twenty five years of my life and am still not sure what I want from my life. Do I really want anything out of my life? This question keeps haunting me several times and I never find an answer to it. All I want is to be happy and just happy. And this happpiness is very very very expensive which I only happen to get in bits.
But now I’ve realized that happiness is in being happy with others. Your happiness has no meaning when it hurts others. I’ll try not to live a lie again. And today is the day I turn my life around the way it should have been. I have realized that I got to move on and be whom I am. And I am gonna do everything I can.
Spirit to LIVE…
I believe I don’t need people or anyone around me to make me happy. My happiness lies with me and in how complete I feel with myself rather than depending on someone to make me feel happy. I believe every woman should live life the way she would be happy with herself rather than believing that there is someone else to make her happy.
I have seen many women who believe their life begins and ends with their husbands. Their life is all about sacrificing for the one man who in no way has ever respected her decisions. These men always believe that they are right and never consider their partner’s decision or their happiness. And at the same time, it is the wives of such men who do not even have the courage to stand up for themselves. There are several such women who have no position in their family. It is not that I hate men, it’s just that I don’t respect such men; and such men demand respect as though it is their right to be honoured.
We deserve a good life not because we are women but because it is every individual’s right. And the day we realize that our happiness does not depend on one person, we can live to be happy even within a crowd of thousands or just by ourself. Be happy with yourself and welcome the change in your life with a big smile.
He is….
He inspires me to think and grow
He admires me when I achieve a little
He encourages me when I lose faith
He appreciates me when I want to be
He needs me more than I do
He supports me when he knows I am right
He listens when I want someone to be heard
He understands what I want when
He smiles when he sees me happy
He understands why I am depressed
He knows when I need him
He knows what is important to me
He is my best friend
He is my soulmate
He is ….. a DREAM!!!
Life isn’t bad!!!
There were times when my days used to start with checking his sweet caring sms. Calling each other was the first thing that we did and make and change plans just so that it could suit ours. But now, it’s not the same anymore. Now I don’t even keep the cell phone beside me before sleeping.
Every corner of the city I go out reminds me of you. Movies, eat-outs, malls, roads and streets.. all just remind me of you. It is not that I miss you, it is just that I have seen so much of this city with you that every corner reminds me of you. The only thought coming into my mind then is, do you think the same?? And then I get so deep into thinking what you would be doing now, do you think of me, do I remind you of anything, anything at all… and then there are tears rolling down my eyes… I hate myself.. Why do I think of you.. why the hell .. and the next minute I am scolding you, cursing you and wishing you never existed. How I wish I could do Ctrl+X everything about you forever. I know you really cared for me, it wasn’t fake, but it wasn’t strong enough to be held together for long.
I hope this is the last post that I would ever write in relevance to you. I have tried to keep myself away from your memories, your news, your life and you. And I only hope that my future commitments keep me super involved and busy that I have no time to even think of you.
I believe being single has its own advantages, especially after you are out of relationship. You think different, you feel mature, you feel you know men much better now, you have an urge to do something different no matter what one would think. In simple terms, you feel free and you know that there are several other issues/commitments to be dealt with which you gave a low priority. And who else can better understand this but for me. I now have several things to set straight and I am clear on what I want from my life and how to get it. I feel good. Thankyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu……
Choose your own road….
It’s strange. It’s strange to see the changing colors of human being. Yesterday, after several days, my manager made me feel wanted. He was doing everything possible to trap me into his words. He wanted to desperately pull me into an initiative which would have benefited him as a manager, but not me, where I am still in the stage of trying to make my profile and career strong.
He has been extremely insensitive and unconcerned towards the progress of my career, and time and again, he has proved the same. Yesterday he went furious over me for considering another offer over his. He never expected me to do that. He believed he has played a clever game and has already trapped me in his game. And he could not believe that I actually said a NO to him as I had been working under him for several years. He was quietly angry over my decision and was trying all he could to hide his anger. The problem was he had already committed to the senior managers even before my approval. And he strongly believed that I would not oppose him. And now it was costing him his word of commitment.
But, I had my own reasons to not accept his offer. First of all, the other opportunity was much better and would add more value to my profile rather than what he was offering. I even considered several individual’s opinion, and they all felt the same. And secondly, I have know my manager for around two and a half years, and I have seen his selfish nature of getting his work done. I had already lost respect for a manager like him, and I could not let him again play with me. This was my opportunity and I chose the best for me.
I have to be patient!!!!!
Whatever happens, happens for the best…. this is one dialogue which everyone says after something bad has happened, or when you are most disappointed with something which u didn’t expect to happen. We all believe in dreams and we all make efforts to fulfill our dreams in our own way. Most of the times, these dreams just remain as dreams and we are forced to accept destiny. In-spite of all our efforts and commitment, some of our wishes remain unsatisfied. And with me, it seems to be happening more than often.
Today, I find myself in a situation where I feel I am most confused. I don’t know where I am going. I don’t know what I am doing. I feel motiveless. I don’t know why, but seems like everything is going wrong at this time. I can feel a change in attitude and behaviour within myself. I can realize how rude and annoyed I’ve been with people who are so important to me. I know things will get alright with time and I need to be patient, but at this time, patience is something which I have the least. It kills to be patient. It hurts to accept the way things are going on. Reality isn’t beautiful and I know it can get worse. I wonder what’s more to come.
mindsparkle
