Let live!!!
She decides,
to go with the wind,
carrying the pain and the cries.
She is scared,
She fears the road,
She weeps and she screams.
She tries to move,
with the time,
with the wind,
and no sign.
She senses,
a new breeze,
coming her way.
She is confused,
She has to decide,
She wants to disappear.
She has no option.
She decides,
to go with the wind,
with the future.
A future,
worth living,
worth risking.
Showers again….
It’s quite some time that I even logged into wordpress account. Off late, I have been quite occupied with my work and several other things and thank God for keeping me so busy, inspite of the fact that I have been frustrated to an extent due to my work. But I still want to thank you for keeping my mind off the thoughts that tortured me.
It is true that time heals everything, and I have changed with time and so have my thoughts. I am no more the same person I used to be while I was in school, college or a few months back. And yes, I like the change. I feel good about the circumstances that have got changes within me. And, I feel good about myself. I feel I have crossed several milestones in my life.
I have always asked God for the better things in my life, and he has been too generous towards me. And as well made me realize of the pros and cons of my desires:). I just want to thank you for keeping me going strong through the times when I had lost all the faith in humanity and in you. And you never fail to get back my faith in you by giving me the best I ought to have.
Thank you for everything and love you for all the happiness you’ve got in my life. Be with me always. Love you.
This is me…
Sometimes I feel there is a lot I can tell you about me, and sometimes I am left searching for words to describe me. And that is me, confused, daring, honest, unpredictable, detached and unconventional. A typical Aquarian best described by Linda Goodman with a few exceptions.
I believe freedom to live life your own way is every individual’s right, and to me my freedom is very important. Freedom to me means not living life on others terms, be it the people who I love or my colleagues at work. I hate being controlled and guided in their own way. If you have thoughts, just give me the options and leave it to me to make my decisions. Do not force your decisions on to me, I get highly agitated. Set me free to learn from my own mistakes. This is not my attitude, this is how I am. I will love you and respect you all the more once you let me be the way I am. Do not possess me, I belong only to myself.
I still don’t know what kind of a man I would like to spend my entire life with. I have given a serious thought to this facet of my life, and am still doing the analysis. But one thing is for sure, I cannot love someone unless he is my very good friend. He has to be someone who knows me in and out. He has to be someone whom I respect and admire, a respect not demanded. He should be someone who would know when I need space and when I want to be wanted. He should be conversative, smart, loyal, inspiring, interesting, flirting and someone who could make me laught out loud even when I am sixty. I am not asking for a miracle to occur, but a hope still remains.
The day – today – madness
What a day i have had today, worth putting down i guess. Everything is just going on so strange, and so unexpected that I have concluded that today it’s going to be a bad day in every way.. To put it down, it all started with an accident. Although it was a minor one but the impact seems to be never ending.
As usual I had left home for work, and I happened to bang into one beautiful big car. I do not know how and when it happened, but it happened. The guy inside the car went on screaming and I stood behind just telling “I am Sorry”, I really don’t know how I happened to hit the car when everything was going so smooth, and the entire crowd was staring at me as if I appeared nude… Believe me, I hated being the centre of attraction at that point of time, inspite of the fact that the car was completely fine and there wasn’t any deformation. The man inside yelled for few seconds and moved ahead.
And when my bike moved, there was an ugly noisy sound which left me startled. I didn’t know what had happened to my bike, and the second it made that sound, I felt all the more humiliated. I somehow managed to push the vehicle to the opposite road in order to find a mechanic, but in no gain and only pain. I don’t know what struck my mind and I started riding again only to hear the loud stretching noise again and everybody was turning and looking at me making me feel so embarassed. I immediately got down and started pushing for close to half a kilometre in search of a mechanic which left me really tiring. I parked my vehicle near a building and walked to the nearest mechanic and got my bike repaired (all he had to do was get the front part of my bike in shape using pliers) and after that it was perfectly fine, but the rest of my day does not seem to be going as normal.
Since the accident, I kind of seem to have a strange feeling within me, something like as if the blood within me rushing in an opposite direction. I entered the office only to find my access blocked as I had not swiped the last evening. Then I pinged an unknown person for tea instead of my friend, to which he replied “I don’t mind” 
. Then I happened to find that every month an amount of Rs.500 is getting credited into my FoodPlus card which I haven’t used it since ages. Likewise, I am going around dropping stuffs, moving up and down the building, including my account getting locked (which was just a call away to unlock though). But this day seems to be very very strange. Ho ho ho… I just received a call (wrong number) to deliver packages from Hyderabad:). May be I am exaggerating, but things are really abnormal today.
Deviled!!!
Sometimes, some people are so annoying. They just can’t stop praising themselves. All they need is someone to whom they can tell how great and lucky they are. And you’re there listening to their shit with just a hmm…. and it sucks, especially when your mind is playing games and you are trying to get your priorities clear.
And such people just bump in at the most unexpected time and irritate you, thereby making you realize what you have lost and what you don’t have. All what I feel like telling them is “I hate to have this blasted discussion”. It is that minute of time when you just want to close all your doors at their faces and say good-bye. All what you can hope is that you get one stupid call and escape them for the moment. But none of such things happen, and you are there with a big artificial smile and saying hmm.. right… yeah… and feel so pathetic. You can feel your patience being tested and sense how fast you are losing it.
Oh!! My life!!:)
Life isn’t bad!!!
There were times when my days used to start with checking his sweet caring sms. Calling each other was the first thing that we did and make and change plans just so that it could suit ours. But now, it’s not the same anymore. Now I don’t even keep the cell phone beside me before sleeping.
Every corner of the city I go out reminds me of you. Movies, eat-outs, malls, roads and streets.. all just remind me of you. It is not that I miss you, it is just that I have seen so much of this city with you that every corner reminds me of you. The only thought coming into my mind then is, do you think the same?? And then I get so deep into thinking what you would be doing now, do you think of me, do I remind you of anything, anything at all… and then there are tears rolling down my eyes… I hate myself.. Why do I think of you.. why the hell .. and the next minute I am scolding you, cursing you and wishing you never existed. How I wish I could do Ctrl+X everything about you forever. I know you really cared for me, it wasn’t fake, but it wasn’t strong enough to be held together for long.
I hope this is the last post that I would ever write in relevance to you. I have tried to keep myself away from your memories, your news, your life and you. And I only hope that my future commitments keep me super involved and busy that I have no time to even think of you.
I believe being single has its own advantages, especially after you are out of relationship. You think different, you feel mature, you feel you know men much better now, you have an urge to do something different no matter what one would think. In simple terms, you feel free and you know that there are several other issues/commitments to be dealt with which you gave a low priority. And who else can better understand this but for me. I now have several things to set straight and I am clear on what I want from my life and how to get it. I feel good. Thankyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu……
Madness!!!
Oh my God!! I hate this. I just hate this about myself. I hate the fact that I am confused. I am a super confused nut. I should be taken to the top of a hill and then pushed. I should be left hanging in the sky. I should be crucified. Why am I so confused?
I just don’t know what am I doing? I know I am taking hasty decisions. After all what is happening, I need to punish myself, hurt myself the most. I want to see myself in pain that I cannot put it in words. Why do I still think about what is gone? Why do I still think about something which cannot come back? No….. I don’t need anyone, but then why am I not able to avoid it. It hurts, it pains and it cries. Oh hell, I just hate this about me. I don’t know where to go, i dont know what i want.. i don’t know if i even want anything. i don’t want anything. please don’t force me to make decisions. Set me free. Leave me alone. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…………………………….
mindsparkle
